Bike Shop Sexism Gets Smacked Down!

Well its officially the first hot as balls day of the spring season, and given that I wore my only warm weather outfit yesterday, I cobbled together whatever I could find to wear to work. Having gone on weightwatchers after my brother's wedding last year, and subsequently getting way buff, all of my clothes pretty much look terrible on me. Everything is about 3 sizes too big and what is left of my wardrobe from last summer is totally crazy town. I got rid of most of my clothes in an attempt to look more age appropriate at work, and then due to recessionary saving tactics never replaced the items after i got rid of them. recessionary saving tactics quickly became depression style "going without". that combined w a much needed laundry day that never happened w the perfect storm to create a work outfit of a next level.

I was trying to keep up the momentum in the mist of my shopping trip that so far had yielded an unsuccessful trip to TJ Maxx and 95 degree weather. I walked out to retrieve my bike to press on to the next store. Before I was able to ride off into the sunset I heard a large bang and my front tire went out! Defeated and tooless, I walked over to the bike shop prepared to let them change out my tube and tire for me. I went in and tried to explain that I couldn't tell if i needed to replace the tire, or if the tube had just blown out. The man stated really slowly that the problem was that i had a flat tire. Um really guy?! are you also going to tell me what day it is and that im wearing red sneakers?! obviously. that is why i am in this bike shop right now?! it was so hot and terrible outside, and i totally would have other wise had them fix it, but as they seemed to think i was retarded, i now had to fix it myself DIY style just to show these fools what was up. I started to ask the man if i could borrow his tools to fix it, and he said, again really slowly like i was struggling with english, "you need to buy a tube and a tire to fix this flat". This might not be translating to the written word, but in real time, the way this man was talking to me like I had never been on a bike before, I was seeing red! So i managed to explain to him that i needed to borrow tools so I could fix it. He seemed skeptical, and tried to tell me what tools I needed. UGH this man was killing me. I went outside and fixed it in 5 minutes and came in and paid. I put my credit card down and said, "Satisfaction!' as all the eye brows were raised by the shop boys. haha then they all tried to kick it to me bc they were impressed by my skills.

Out of control. So crisis averted, sexism triumphed over, shop boys now in check, I was able to proceed with my shopping trip where I purchased 3 new summer dresses. But really what is wrong with people?!

NO!

I was out to dinner w a few lady friends tonight and the topic of my blog came up. I basically described it as "really totally funny" bc I mean, you gotta sell yourself in the market place! The free market is tough out there for an armature blogger! Well all of the talk of blogging got me excited to write in my blog. But my boyfriend is out of town and he has my laptop. Unfortunalty for yalls, if I can't do it from the comforts of my bed, its not going to happen. Not tonight! I just rode my bike in the shitty rain for an hour in manhattan, picked up a dental gaurd, basically got frisked at century 21 bc i kept setting of the security sensures (i just found the security tag stuck to my wet sock. now i feel bad for yelling at the security gaurd) and kind of almost got hypothermia. So homegirl is not playing tonight! haha all salt aside, I made it in from the elements and would like to go on the record as feeling 100% like jzap and i are no joke! we both made it home safe and i got a hot bath, so aside from this brief fun-down (that started off as a typo) im just going to kick it VIP and listen to some This American Life, and mentally spoon w Ira Glass. When I get my laptop back I'm going to try chattroulette, and that will surely generate some hot blogging topics.

Boosh! Hieronymus out!

NYE keeping it locally epic.

So for the winter holidays i always go to the midwest for chrismahanukwanzakah but i always make it my beeswax to get back to NYC for new years bc you know thats the best holiday! My favorite holiday was xmas when i was little. but now that im older, my brother works in the ER and has to work xmas now. So we like eat xmas dinner on boxing day, and for xmas i get gift cards. thusly xmas has been knocked out of the top ranking favorite holiday! now NYE is where its at bc it involves wearing a hot dress and getting drunk and dancing. Now that's something i think we can all get behind. This is what went down!

No one had any like big ragers planned (weak sauce people), so we just ended up going to 470 flushing for midnight. They had warm cookies and we had hennesey and tall boys for coors light!

Thusly, shit was about to pop off.


It was pretty rainy out and just shittsburg in general but we braved the elements and went up to the roof for the stroke of midnight. luckily there were lots of firecrackers and alchohol and i think we sufficiently frieghtened the neighboring hachidic community.

Jake had this big beer and was like, "this beer is huge! don't worry about it!"


Rodger was all popping bottles with models!


For some reason everyone was wearing black white and red.

Bonus points for red boots!
Oh you didn't get the email on the "black white and read all over theme? akward!"

we were going to go to rubelad and dance after bc we needed to rage! but when we got there, the fire trucks were there and there was a mass exodis. They told us it was "on fire" but more or less it just got shut down. so luckily we didn't get kicked out after we paid the 20$ cover. Unthwarted we walked over to sweet revenge passing around a bottle of champagne and wishing the local Hasidim community happy new years. some of the dudes were into it! Unity!

We got to sweet revenge Soraya busted out some of her Go Go moves. I was like, dang! I need to step up my dancing game! Srsly, she is so good at dancing! Feast your eyes!


Rodger set up this connect 4 game that never actually got fully assembled or played at all.


We danced all night and got drunk and made and lost some memories. It was awesome! We pretended it was webster hall and got up on the steps and danced like it was senior year!


One of the high points was when jodie and i had a "cute picture contest" in the corner. This is the end result.







It's a tie!

As you may recall, one of the major themes of 2010 was "sparkle vampires". This was to commemorate the sparkle vampires for posterity. Do it for twilight!



All in all it was a super fun night, and when we were leaving for closing time, the bouncer told us that we are hilarious and always welcome back. Thats like the opposite of getting kicked out! Hell yea! 2010 is going to be a good one yall!

New Hair Cut! 2010 Edition!

My new edition is way bitchin! HAHA jk my hair was getting like fundamentalist length so I had meena kim give it the old chop chop. The end result is pretty sassy and now i look like a modern business woman of the day!

The only question is what am i going to do with my new abundence of time that i previously spent trying to untangle the dreadlocks that were forming in the back on my hair where the hair met the tag of my shirts. maybe learn i'll take up macrame!

Long story short.
i looked like this.

This much hair got the snip.


and now i look like this!


Short and sassy in 2010! Believe it!

The Three Legged Cat Of Hyde Park

So I went home to see my brother in Chicago for the holidays. We dabbled in indianapolis as well to see my grandparents and other family members. It invovled a particularly heated scrabble game and lots of power walking at the gym talking on the phone as i walked around in circles w/ my headphones on for hands free chatting. My aunt remarked, that the people in the gym probably thought i was crazy and talking to myself. I remarked that its not my fault if these bumpkins don't know about using your headphones to talk on your phone. real talk.

But after the holiday, Jack and Nina brought me back up to their place in chicago to visit before i went back to NYC. We got back to chicago just in time for jacks' birthday! I had just got my new camera, so I documented the experience for us all to relive together!

My First picture i took on my new camera was of this little guy. He is just so cute! plus he was kicking in incognito bc he's black and he's next to the black sag bag (thats racist! jk).

So one of the high points of the trip was hanging out w jacks's little 3 legged cat Clint. He is pretty clumsy
so he fell off the balcony this summer and he lost a digit! We were pretty worried about the little guy. so I was relieve to find that he was in high spirits! Rolling around w his tripod waving in all its glory.
Plus its pretty cute to see a 3 legged kitty try to make it in the world. Inspiring even. Brought a tear to the old eye piece!
Well the kitty was in high spirits, and he made me think of "whiddle broddah" on homestarrunner. Little Guy is making it on his own! Well it was super cute bc he likes to have his belly rubbed.

Well he can do it on his own! haha cutie.

But enough about the cats!


In addition to it being cute kitty day, it was also jack's bday. So i took homeboy out for a breakfast steak!

This is officially a "taking care of biz pic". HAHA just making serious business moves on my phone while i eat my power breakfast. Not too shabby of a way to start off 27 if i may say so my self.
After that we just walked around and did errands, and goddamn its cold in chicago!
Living in Brooklyn, my family always plants these fantasies that I can like afford a mansion in Chicago, and eat deep dish pizza all day, thusly truly live the dream. As opposed to my savage NYC life where i have to share a one bedroom apartment in bed suty with 2 tabby cats and a rodger. So i have these day dreams where we are rolling around, eating chicago style food and living the dream (funny how most of my fantasies are food related and pretty vague) but then i go to chicago on occasion and im like GOOD GOD DAMN its the coldest ever there. and i consider myself to be a pretty hardy individual. Now i see why one slice of chicago style pizza is like a 1/2 pounder. you gotta put alot
of fat on to survive in those elements! Jeeze. Plus it snows there like everyday. Not sure if you have heard this, but it is also very windy there. yea believe that. But we were all bundled up so it wasn't too bad.

And as far as I'm concerned, as long as they keep that pizza coming i can manage for brief visits. I guess it doesn't really explain why i also want to eat that pizza in the summer. can't really blame the elements for that :)
So after a hearty breakfast we went and took jack to a hearty dinner at a Belgian restaurant for his Bday dinner. Special guest appearances by Effin' Dave and his lady Rachel.

Look at these cute couples! Twas a delight to be their 5th wheel!

There was much feasting and butter and merriment, and all in all was a success. So Jack and Nina, thanks for letting me stay at your house and play with your cats!

Operation Kitty Condo.

Well i am waiting for my pictures from xmas and new years to upload on the old photobucket piece, so in the mean time i am going to muse about the prospect of acquiring a new kitty condo in my life. The bottom line is these cats need an upgrade in the toy situation. Currently they are making due with a "cat tube" and a pretty sad looking cat tent from ikea. Dupree has also taken to using my whicker drawers as his primary scratching post. I have a theory that if i can upgrade their lives with a "cat gym/kitty condo" then they will stop terrorizing us in the middle of the night/and just improve moral in general.

The true DIY spirit that lies deep down in my heart says, to make one. its just sone wood/carpet/and rope. How hard could it be? Plus the ones at the pet store are no joke like 200 dollars?! i don't like ANYTHING 200$ worth. real talk. Plus there are some interesting DIY kitty condo suggestions on the internet. But then we were peeping amazon and some of these condos are next level! Like some of these kitty condos have maintenance fees and some of them are like gated community level of classy!

This one looks like it has a door man and a gym in the basement!

Some of the plans for DIY ones i have seen on the internet seem easy enough the but end result is kinda janky. that is not the desired effect. if i have to have a large structure in my living room that says to the world, "i sweat my cats and i have devoted a large amount of my living space to watching these little guys while out", then i at least don't want said structure to look like we purchased this real estate in shittsburg proper.

Whatever, you can think i'm a cat lady all you want but this is the shit i think about. but the bottom line is i'm just thorough and i take my cat adoptions pretty seriously. the city of new york has entrusted me w these little tabbys and im taking it upon myself to upgrade their lives in a serious way!

But I digress, will keep you posted on the end result. the ones on amazon are pretty cheap, but on the otherhand, i need to be saving money to buy a real condo for humans! haha or at least some sort of house for us humans. To be continued!

Living!

So its 2010 now. and I haven't blogged for a while! So just thought i would drop a little blog bomb on your life, as I do enjoy the blogging, and i always go back and re-read these with no memory of their contents (much to my delight!) But in addition to that i have replaced my broken digi (w a g-11!!!) and my laptop w a new macbook so now we living! Back in blogging biz. Plus it s a rainy sunday and i'm sitting on my day bed with a tepid cup of cafe bustello listening to phill collins and i'm under the duvet. fuck it! lets blog yall!